Legal Abuse & Finding Strength in Community

In this episode, I open up about my own experience with legal abuse during my divorce. This is a story about resilience, empowerment, and discovering the strength to rise above unimaginable challenges. I share what legal abuse looks like, how it impacts those of us who endure it, and why community and healing are so essential. I’m here to remind you that no matter how overwhelming it may feel, you’re not alone, and you are stronger than you realize.

Episode Highlights:
[00:06] - Reflecting on my experience attending Podfest and being inspired by a creative, supportive podcasting community.
[01:30] - A discussion on legal abuse, from stalling court proceedings to financial manipulation.
[05:45] - The emotional toll of my journey and how I refused to let it define me.
[08:10] - The healing process: how I found the strength to rise above my circumstances and embrace a new chapter.
[10:30] - A heartfelt message of hope and encouragement for listeners enduring similar struggles.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:06

Karen, hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. I just returned from podfest, which is the biggest conference of podcasters in Orlando, Florida. As a first timer, being with hundreds of other podcasters, I was so happy to meet new people who have the same passion as I do for their podcasts, learning at every breakout session and connecting with so many like minded people. I was so inspired by everyone, no judgment. Everyone accepted and honored everyone I got to meet people in person who I've been working with for so many months now, such a close community of creative people wanting to spread joy, inspiration, education, fun and so much more, so many opportunities to grow and evolve as a podcaster. I'm so proud to be part of this amazing podcast family now. While I was there, I met a woman who heads up a nonprofit for victims of legal abuse. I did a double take before I realized how much I was legally abused as well. It never dawned on me that that was even a thing, but it all made sense to me once I thought about it, my ex husband did all that he could to stall, delay and extend our court proceedings, because A, he wanted to drain me financially so I would give up. And B, he didn't want the divorce, and set out to punish me in this way too, along with so many other ways, he would blow off court at every chance he could for at least two years. During that time, I would make arrangements for my daughter to go home with a friend after school because we had court and wouldn't be back to let her in the house. Little did I know he would cancel court the next morning because of some lame excuse about work. Eventually, I caught on that when my daughter didn't ask about who she was going home with after school the next day. That meant he told her he would be canceling our court date. He did this consistently for two years, basically paying his attorney to stall and delay she would sometimes be his fall guy taking on the excuses that she forgot or didn't write the date in her calendar, etc. What attorney forgets court dates? I mean, it's not like he owned his company and had to be at work for every single court date we had Surely his boss could have covered for him for a few hours that he had to be in court when he refused to maintain the financial status quo in the house, forcing me to drain two investment accounts so I could buy myself basic items and pay household bills that he refused to pay, my attorney filed an emergency motion for temporary financial support while We still live together. It wasn't much, but it helped. The judge required us to appear in court the day after my emergency motion was filed, my ex had some other excuse why he couldn't show up, which meant it would be weeks until we had a new court date. And just like he always kept me in the dark when it came to our daughter, he consistently kept me in the dark about when he would show up for court and when he wouldn't total crapshoot. He would try and negotiate down my car payment that he was supposed to maintain paying. He refused to pay household bills. He would call me greedy when I insisted on him buying me out of half of the house so I could move out, which was the only way the divorce would end, because he was never leaving that house. Why is insisting on getting my fair share of a house that we both owned equally considered greedy? Ultimately, when all was said and done, I walked away from about $20,000 to make the divorce finally end. Not bad, considering how many people I hear of who walk away from everything just to make it end. Not me. I wasn't going down so fast, even though all of his nasty comments about how I was only in it for the money, it's all I care about, etc. Except when that person wants you to be penniless on the street and does everything he could to make that happen, then I'm greedy. I swear this guy would only be happy to dance on my grave. I wonder how he would. Explain that one to our daughter. So, yes, using the court system to stall and delay court proceedings is considered legal abuse. Check that one on the list too. I have officially come to the end of talking about my divorce, I have shared numerous personal stories of what I have experienced, endured, suffered from, was traumatized by, and so much more, all in an effort to let my audience know that I am you. I see you, I understand what you're going through. I'm not special and I'm not better than any of you. I'm here to tell you that if I could survive and thrive, so can you, I promise you. Anyway, I wanted to take a few minutes to let you all know how grateful I am to be sharing my message of hope and inspiration throughout this podcast. I know hearing about the pain and suffering I endured throughout my divorce is hard to hear at times. I want anyone who is also in pain and suffering through their divorce to know that I've been there. I know what you're going through. I lived it myself. I didn't have a road map or a life raft to pull me out of hell. No one came to save me. I had to claw myself out and save myself, and because I survived something that was meant to break me, destroy me, leave me destitute and homeless, have no friends and have my daughter want nothing to do with me. I'm here to be that life raft for others. I went through an intense spiritual, healing journey for over two and a half years. At the same time, I was being abused in every possible way. I'm aware that I'm a bit of a unicorn. To be able to do that. It's not very common, nor is it easy on any level. But my message is, if I could not only survive verbal, mental, psychological, emotional, sexual, financial and legal abuse, but heal and thrive now so can you we are all way stronger and more resilient than any of us realizes. Let me help and inspire you as the next season of this podcast will focus on my intense healing journey. Primarily, I wanted to share some proud moments of the responses I'm getting from people, I'm reaching over 300,000 members in all of the divorce groups I'm in on social media, some amazing feedback I've gotten about my posts and comments include quote, you have such a unique perspective on things. End quote or quote, you're the most thought provoking person in the group. End quote, or quote, you just brought me to tears. It's exactly what I needed to hear right now. End quote. Of course, I have some haters, too, people who initially didn't believe that I'm as genuine and real as I come across. Over the last three years, though I've been authentic and consistent with my commentary and opinions, I'm glad I'm triggering people to look at things in a different way, though, even if it makes them uncomfortable, at least they're thinking As such, I've come to really love my haters. You last month, in December of 2024 I recorded my first ever Facebook live in one of the divorce groups I'm in. The creator of the group told me that the most plays anyone's ever gotten in that group was in the high two hundreds. To date, my Facebook Live has 890 plays. Lastly, this podcast has only been out for two and a half months. I haven't yet promoted it fully, and already I have 1503 downloads. To put that into context, I was talking to another podcaster who told me her podcast has been out for a year and a half, and she had about 3000 downloads. I've been out less than three months now, and I'm already halfway there, all by organic word of mouth. I will be on most social media platforms within the coming weeks. Please share this podcast with anyone going through a painful divorce and could benefit from or appreciate it. I thank you more than you could possibly know. Next week's episode will cover my. Transition to what life has been like since I moved out of the house now that our divorce is officially done, if you have any stories or experiences you'd like to share with me, I would love to feature it in another episode, and I promise to keep you anonymous. Go to podpage.com/the, music of life, and you can leave a voicemail right there on my website. You don't have to leave your name, but I would love to hear what you've been through as well. Thanks for listening. I'll see you in the next episode. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. I invite you to comment, like, share, subscribe. You can reach me at the music of life five, five@gmail.com with any questions or stories or experiences or anything that you want to share with me, I'd be happy to talk about it on another episode. You can check out my website@podpage.com slash the music of life. You.