The Journey of Healing and Spiritual Awakening

In this episode, I open up about my own spiritual journey, especially in the wake of my divorce, and how it led to the most transformative awakening I’ve ever experienced. From confronting the ego to finding peace through service, I walk you through the stages of spiritual growth that have shaped the woman I am today.

The “seven levels of spirituality,” the idea of ego death, and how leaning into meditation, self-reflection, and service brought me to a place of unity consciousness. If you've ever wondered how to tell the difference between your ego and your higher self—or if you're just starting to explore your own spiritual path— I hope this episode inspires you to look within, trust the journey, and maybe even start your own awakening.

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] - Kicking off the episode with a reflection on spirituality vs. religion.
[1:25] - Sharing my first spiritual awakening at age 19 and how it's evolved since.
[2:55] - Breaking down the seven levels of spirituality.
[6:03] - Exploring the 12 spiritual principles that define a spiritual life.
[7:25] - What it means to listen to your higher self.
[9:00] - The contrast between ego and higher self—understanding “ego death”.
[11:15] - Mindfulness, meditation, and humility as tools for spiritual growth.
[14:08] - How trusted feedback (from friends and the Divine) helped shape my awakening.
[16:02] - The role of service and helping others during my darkest days.
[17:45] - What happens after an ego death and how we rebuild.
[19:18] - A heartfelt message I wrote about my journey through pain to power.
[20:15] - Final thoughts and an invitation to reach out and connect.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. You I wanted to start this episode by talking about the fact that people have asked me, What does it look like to heal, and how do you heal? How do you start to heal? What do you do? And I'm only going to talk about spirituality in this episode. I'm not going to approach religion or anything like that. There are different philosophies with different religions, and I don't want to get into that. So my experience has been with spirituality. So that's where I'm going to speak from. I know I mentioned in an earlier episode that my first spiritual awakening happened when I was 19 years old. I'm now 56 as my birthday was yesterday, and I believe that while there are typically, you know, like, I'm gonna say informally, there are seven levels of spirituality. I'm going to just read what Google has to say about it, but I My experience has been that over the years, I've had several different levels of spiritual awakenings, and some of them were hitting some parts of the seven levels that I'm going to say in a minute. But you know, other times it was just varying degrees of intensity for certain levels. So, you know, while I was dabbling over the years and kind of waking up and understanding certain concepts or whatever, I believe that this last Spiritual Awakening was the mother load for me. So my divorce is what inspired it, and I'll talk more about that as this episode goes on. So I just want to say what the seven levels of spirituality are informally. So take it with a grain of salt. To Google is saying that while this, the concept of seven levels of spirituality can vary depending on the context, a common framework often associated with spiritual awakening includes stages like waking consciousness, feedback loop, sleep level, soul consciousness, cosmic consciousness, divine consciousness and unity consciousness. So here's a more detailed breakdown of these levels, along with some alternative perspectives. So with waking consciousness, this is the initial stage where you're you're aware of your physical reality and the world around you. Kind of basic the feedback loop is you start to notice patterns and reactions in your life, and you begin to understand how your actions have consequences. The Sleep level this stage is characterized by a sense of being stuck in a cycle of negativity and self sabotage. I think we can all relate to that, and sleep level doesn't refer to actually sleeping like at night. It's more about not being aware and like you're asleep, hence the term spiritual awakening. So this is the opposite where you're asleep soul consciousness. You begin to connect with your inner self and your purpose, and you start to experience a deeper sense of meaning in life. That's when it starts to get interesting. The cosmic consciousness. You start to understand your place in the universe and your connection to all things, which is really cool. Divine Consciousness is when you experience a sense of oneness with the Divine and a deeper understanding of the universe. Unity Consciousness is when you're fully aware of your interconnectedness with all beings and the universe, and you experience a state of pure love and compassion, which is where I am now. But you know, I it took time. It took a long time for me to get through all these seven levels. There's also, you know, informally, these 12 rules of spirituality. So these principles of recovery are as follows, acceptance, hope, faith, courage, honesty, patience, humility, willingness, brotherly love, integrity, self discipline and service. And if you really group all these principles together, you know you're living a very spiritual life, and it's pretty apparent. So. So how do you know when your higher self is talking to you? So your higher self is I don't really know if I can explain this well enough, but it's your best self. It's your most elevated self. It's your most connected self to the universe or God or source, or however you define that, that power bigger than you, and it's usually a space of of like pure love and just a sense of goodness as a as a human being. So how do you know when that higher self is talking to you? You're trusting your intuition, getting in touch with your emotions, living a life of gratitude, and becoming more involved in your world for the greater good. Those are all ways that your higher self is talking to you. So if you sit and think about that for a minute, you know, do you ever have times when you sense that, when you feel that, if not, you know, and I'm not saying this in a judgmental way at all, but you know, everyone knows that everyone has an ego, and ego is, you know, basically designed to help protect us, but it keeps us very separate, very Closed, very prideful, kind of the opposite of all of these things with your higher self. So your ego is kind of like the opposite of your higher self. So in spirituality, you know, there for anyone who's spiritual out there, you know what I mean when I call it the dark night of the soul or the ego death. For those of you who are not so spiritual, I invite you to look it up and read up on it, because it'll be very eye opening in terms of how it affects and impacts your life. So you know the concept of having an ego death. What that means it's to cultivate mindfulness, practice humility and engage in self reflection, to identify and detach from limiting beliefs and attachments, ultimately fostering a sense of interconnectedness and equanimity. So here's a more detailed breakdown of how to approach this mindfulness and meditation. So regular meditation and mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to observe your egos reactions without getting carried away by them. And I'm very clear, it's easy to say all this stuff, it's another thing to actually implement them and and carry them out in your life. And I'm aware of that, and I've been through that, so just give yourself time, patience and Grace if you're gonna, you know, embark on any of these things. The next thing is to practice humility. Humility involves acknowledging your limitations and recognizing that you don't have all the answers. By practicing humility, you can reduce your sense of superiority and detachment from others self reflection, regularly examine your thoughts, feelings and behaviors to identify patterns of ego driven thinking and actions. This self awareness can help you recognize when your ego is taking over, and make conscious choices to respond differently. Embrace impermanence, understand that everything is constantly changing and nothing is permanent, including your sense of self. This perspective can help you detach from attachments and embrace the flow of life. Practicing empathy and compassion. Cultivate empathy and compassion for yourself and others, recognizing that everyone is on their own journey, this can help you move beyond self centeredness and foster a sense of interconnectedness, detaching from external validation. Recognize that your worth is not dependent on external achievements or opinions. Instead, focus on your inner growth and spiritual development. Seeking honest feedback. Actively solicit feedback from trusted sources and be open to constructive criticism. This can help you identify blind spots and areas where your ego might be getting in the way. This was an this was a really interesting one for me, because while I was going through my divorce and the most painful parts of it, of course, I had a very, very close circle of trusted friends that were always there for me, and some were, you know, holding the mirror up to me and showing me where my blind spots were, and I got the constructive criticism I needed almost on a daily basis. So I got that feedback from friends and close allies, but at the same time, and ultimately, once, the spiritual awakening. Was developing for me, I trusted God over everything to give me the feedback that I needed, because I was seeking a higher level of understanding of what this spiritual awakening was providing me with. So while I could speak to my friends on a day to day 3d in reality, kind of experience, it was really important to me, when I was connecting to God, to get that higher perspective. And that took a lot of prayer and a lot of meditation to get there, and it took several months, as I've mentioned before. So, you know, this wasn't an overnight thing at all, but it was what I was seeking. It was what I was craving. I was really very laser focused on elevating and growing and evolving. So, you know, it's interesting to just say that, you know, seeking honest feedback. I got it from my reality, and I also got it from the Divine. So it was two different perspectives that really helped propel me forward. And then the last one is focus on service and contribution. Engage in activities that benefit others and contribute to something larger than yourself. This can help you shift your focus from your own needs and desires to serving others. And this was a huge thing for me, because while I was going through the worst of the worst of my divorce, and I was gaining experience and gaining wisdom from everything that I was dealing with in connection with God and the universe, I was very open and expressive on social media, in many divorce groups where I was reading and hearing about other people's stories and what they were going through and and the pain that we all felt was universal. There were a lot of common themes among people's stories, and the wisdom that I was able to provide was very well received and accepted and appreciated, and I got some great feedback from people, and that was my way of serving others, was being able to help and inspire people and give them positivity. And some, you know, something to look forward to, instead of dwelling so much on the past. And I find I always believed, and I would say, you know, at least for the last 15 years or so, I always believe that the best way to escape your own pain and your own trauma is to put it on something else or someone else. And you know, whether it's starting an organization where you're collecting donations for something, a cause or a person or whoever, or helping somebody in need with their own things that they are struggling with, or, you know, whatever, just getting out of yourself and on to other people is so healing and so helpful, and it makes you feel so good, and enough of us don't do it, so it's something to think about. So what happens after an ego death? Individuals may experience a profound shift in their sense of self and reality, potentially leading to a sense of unity or oneness, spiritual awakening and a re evaluation of their world view and personal identity. And here's a more detailed explanation of that ego death, in its most literal sense, is a complete loss of the ordinary subjective sense of self, including the feeling of being separate from others and the world. So you could have a spiritual awakening, some individuals report experiencing a profound sense of connection to something larger than themselves, leading to spiritual or existential insights. You could experience personal growth. The experience can be a catalyst for personal transformation as individuals confront and transcend their usual ego driven perspectives and attachments. Or you can have a re evaluation of reality, the experience can lead to a re evaluation of one's world view and the nature of reality, potentially leading to a sense of detachment from the ordinary. After the experience, individuals return to their daily lives, but they may approach them with a new perspective and a sense of expanded awareness, integration and rebuilding. It's important to note that the ego as a construct often returns after an ego death experience, rebuilding a sense of self while incorporating the insights gained can be a process of integration and self discovery in. And the potential challenges are, the experience can be very challenging and even frightening for some, and it's important to seek support and guidance if needed. So that could be in the form of a therapist. It could be a spiritual mentor or teacher, and I would just say in all three of those examples, to be very careful that you don't just find somebody and just accept everything that they say. I mean, you know, you have to kind of seek your inner guidance and intuition and see whether somebody is the right fit for you. Somebody may have different feelings or thoughts or interpretations or opinions about things that don't resonate with you, in which case I would say, go find somebody else. You may have to kiss a few frogs before you find the right fit for yourself. And the same with a spiritual mentor or teacher. You know you want to look at somebody and hear what they have to say and see how much that fits with how you feel, even if you don't know anything about it, but if they're saying something that that sounds right for you, it sounds good to you. It sounds like yeah, I might feel that way too. That's a good sign. So the whole reason why I even wanted to talk about this today was because I had some recent understandings about myself and my own healing and my own spiritual awakening and ego death and all of that. And I just I wrote it down because I didn't want to forget it. I wanted to make sure I said it the right way. But it was, it was more about my experience and how I went from the depths of hell to where I am right now. So I just wanted to read what I wrote and and maybe that can enlighten some, some people here, I accept that I'm cut from a different cloth. No one understands why, except me and God, it was the darkness that I had to fight through while no one was watching, the ego death that I had to go through. It was standing alone when no one else would stand with me, the shift I made, the focus I had, what I placed in my heart, what I've come to understand is how I make people feel about themselves. I've seen how I can put a smile on someone's face who is otherwise sad. I'm not held up by any particular achievement. It's that my desire to be a good person is what makes me one. I show up in each moment with my highest intentions in mind. It's been my willingness to constantly release my attach. It's been my willingness to constantly release my attachments to outcomes. I'm willing to go through great pain in order to turn it into power, a little bit of hurt, to be a lot more free. I understand the power of transmutation. I've become an alchemist. To me that's way more important than anything else I can achieve. So I'm really proud of all of the work that I've done, all of the healing that I've done. And, you know, look, I'm at the point now where I can be grateful for all of the pain and suffering that I went through to get to this place and to get to this point, and I feel like I'm in a much better position to be able to help and inspire other people going through something similar, whether it's through a spiritual journey and awakening, or whether it's through means of psychology or religion or whatever path anyone chooses to take. I'm so aware and very connected to the pain that other people are suffering through, I want very badly to be that life raft that I never had for people who need help getting out of their struggle. And I invite anybody who is interested in taking a spiritual path, to reach out to me, Do your own research, if you're so inclined, or seek out, you know, teachers or people who can mentor you and help you and and, you know, look, anybody that wants to evolve and grow, I applaud. I think that it's so great. And and this world needs people, more people like this now more than ever. So I'm here to do my part and, and I just want everyone out there to know that you're not alone. So on that note, if anyone has any questions or wants to share any of your own stories or experiences, I invite you to reach me at my website, which is pod page.com/the, music of life. You can leave your email, you can leave me a voicemail. You can send me any kind of messages. I promise to keep you anonymous if I if I wind up using your stories or experiences on future episodes. Codes, but it's it's a great way to give back to everyone else, so I appreciate your listening, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Please join me every Thursday for our new episode if you'd like to reach out to me and ask questions or share stories of your own, your own experiences through any of these things I would love to hear from you. Please also subscribe. You.