The Healing Journey: Coaches vs. Intuition

In this episode, we’re talking about something that’s been on my heart lately—healing. Specifically, I’m talking about the different paths people take to heal and how not everyone’s journey looks the same. I came across a few powerful quotes this week that sparked a conversation about coaches—dating coaches, divorce coaches, life coaches—and the contrast between that structured style of support versus something more intuitive and free-flowing, like what I experienced on my own healing path.

I share how surrender, prayer, patience, and faith became the foundation of my healing—without any formula, checklist, or roadmap. And I’m not here to bash coaching—if that resonates with you, amazing! But if you’ve ever felt out of place in structured settings or felt pressure to “do healing right,” this episode is definitely for you. I’m opening up about what worked for me, the powerful shifts I’ve experienced, and how listening to my inner wisdom became my greatest guide. This one’s close to my heart, and I hope it helps spark something within you too.

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] - Introducing the episode and the spark that started this conversation.
[1:24] - Reflecting on Tony Robbins’ quote about goal setting and how coaches approach healing.
[3:10] - Why my healing journey didn’t follow a step-by-step path.
[5:05] - The role of prayer, gratitude, and surrender in my spiritual practice.
[7:15] - Gandhi’s wisdom on patience and how it helped me through my divorce.
[9:08] - Faith as the cornerstone of surviving and eventually thriving after divorce.
[10:42] - Oprah’s advice on turning wounds into wisdom and how that’s showing up in my life now.
[12:30] - Learning to dream again and believing in what lights up my soul.
[14:00] - The shift that comes when you finally see your worth and own your story.
[15:52] - Brene Brown, Toni Morrison, and the power of claiming your truth.
[17:45] - Divine timing, regrets, and why it’s never too late to change your life.
[19:10] - Final reflections on different healing paths and an invitation to connect.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. You music. So I came across some quotes online and some memes as well, and it got me thinking about some different things that I wanted to talk about in this episode, primarily about dating coaches and divorce coaches and relationship coaches and life coaches. One of the quotes that I came across was from Tony Robbins, and it says goal setting is the secret to a compelling future. And it got me thinking about all these different coaches, because I know a lot of them are very structured in their way some people, and I think it's actually many people really do gravitate towards this, like formula of, you know, step by step, ways in which to heal. And some people like crossing things off their list or checking a box or whatever. But it's very kind of structured. And while I'm not here to judge people for choosing to use coaches as their journey to healing, it's not for everybody that style of healing. And when I think about my own healing and how unstructured it was and how free flowing I was, it just made me recognize the vast difference in approaches, because what I find with coaches and and, please don't take offense, if you go to a coach, if you are a coach, it's just my perception of what coaches do. It's it's kind of limiting, in my opinion. It's just there's like, you know, a way to do it in, in the way that each coach does it and structures it and and I'm not saying it's bad or wrong. I'm just saying that I feel like it's limited in the sense that it's hard to be open to things that you don't know about, or things that you haven't experienced, or anything outside of what you see and what you feel and what you know. So in my case, I was very much all over the place with my healing. There was no step by step. Do this, do this, do this. There was no formula, anything like that. I was very much kind of riding by the seat of my pants. I, you know, my my whole journey of to healing was all about consistency and whatever I started, I mean, to this day, two and a half years later, into my healing journey, I still prayed exactly the same way, and there's nothing formal about it. There was no this is what you should say when you pray, or anything like that. I always believed God meets you where you are. And you know, the only thing that made sense to me was, you know, in the prayer books at Temple, I'm Jewish, and so for me, it was, you know, I grew up with a certain way of addressing God, and so that's what I use in the beginning of my prayers, because that's all I know. You know, whatever it is that honors God, I think, is all that matters. So, you know, my prayers start with my introduction and just, you know, acknowledging his greatness and His awesomeness and all of that. And then I go into gratitude immediately. I always start every prayer with what I'm grateful for first, and then I move into the things that, you know, what I believe my work is that I need to do, whether I'm addressing my shadow side, whether I'm addressing inner child stuff, whether I'm just releasing things that no longer serve me, whether I'm I don't know, just all the things that I feel I Need to release or surrender or let go of or, you know, it's, it's kind of like what comes to me at that moment. It's not anything that I plan in advance, which is, my whole point is that every prayer is different in the content, but the the way that I pray is kind of similar. But my point is, is that, you know, in doing it the way that I did it. And again, I'm not saying My way is the only way, or the right way, or anything like that. I'm just saying what worked for me. I found that the more I was not attached to an outcome, the more I was able to release control and open myself. Myself up to the outcome being something that I can't even imagine, what it would look like. I found that my my blessings, my opportunities, my miracles, I mean, anything that came to me from God as a result were things that I never could have expected at all. Which brings me to my second quote, which was from Gandhi. And it says, Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy. And this is what I mean, I had patience. I had to learn patience throughout my divorce. That was a big, big lesson for me. During that time, it was just excruciating. But I did eventually learn patience. And of course, everything is difficult before they become easy. I mean, that's the whole point, to put work into something, to be persistent and consistent and be dedicated to it and and that was, that was the priority at the point of my having to, you know, overcome what I was going through in my divorce and and to survive this, I needed to be consistent. I needed to be dedicated. And I was somehow very laser focused on my healing at that time, it was just it was life or death to me, and not to say that things are so easy per se, although now, two and a half years after I started my healing journey, I am definitely living in a state of ease more than I ever have in my whole life, and I attribute a lot of that to being able to surrender outcomes and attachments to outcomes, when I just leave it all up to God and surrender my worries and fears and doubts and anything like that, And I just let it go, just let it go, and then I'm able to flow with whatever comes my way. And it's such a freeing feeling. I mean, truly. Which brings me to the next quote, which I recently found out. The author of this quote was Hillary Rodham Clinton, which it's funny, because I've always heard of this quote I've I actually when I was going through all my fertility stuff, 1617, years ago, I used this quote on my website when I was consulting for people going through similar fertility treatments, and I didn't Know that it came from Hillary Rodham Clinton at the time, but lo and behold. So the quote says faith is like stepping off a cliff and expecting one of two outcomes. You will either land on solid ground, or you will be taught to fly. And that was such a beautiful quote that I loved all these years because it's so true, and that's what faith is for me. So you know, while I was going through my healing journey, I had to summon a lot of faith and a lot of trust, because God was the answer to me. It was the only thing and only, only way for me to survive my divorce, and now all this time later, thrive. And so this next quote is from Oprah Winfrey, where she says, Turn your wounds into wisdom. And that's where I'm at now, because, and for for quite some time, I'm going to say because in all these divorce groups that I'm in and the comments and posts and stories that I hear from other people. You know, I sometimes start texting or typing and and really have no idea what I'm going to say, and all of a sudden it just flows through me, and it just I see the wisdom coming through me that I'm not always aware of. Sometimes I open my mouth and I have no idea what's going to come out, but yet something really profound comes out. So, you know, I have friends and people that I know who have asked my advice and and, you know, turn to Me for wisdom, and somehow I'm able to muster something that you know, affects them in a way, you know, that gives them an aha moment or some kind of epiphany or or some kind of clarity about something. So, you know, I feel like I'm onto something, but, you know, I can't put my finger on it. At the moment, I will say, though, that having faith and having trust in God, and believing in a power greater than myself, and not being attached to any outcomes, and all of these things that I'm talking about, it's like I've been able to actually think about my dreams in life and what I want for myself and what I would be. So happy and fulfilled and passionate about that just lights me up, and that's what drives me now. So I'm able to dream in a way that that I never could before, because I always felt stifled in some way. Here's another quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that says the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. That is exactly where I am right now, because I've pretty much established my dreams, and there are many of them, and I'm finding myself being led to them, and whatever lights up my soul is what I'm pursuing at the moment, and I have a lot of exciting things that I'm working on and working towards, and I'm not going to talk about it right now. I would rather have you know those successes speak for themselves once they're complete, but I feel a very beautiful future ahead of me because of the fact that I'm dreaming bigger than I ever have. I have faith in God. I trust in God that those dreams will come true, and I have no doubt about that, and I'm so excited about it, because it's just it's everything I've ever wanted. Which brings me to another quote, which I don't have an author here, but it says, you are stronger than you seem, braver than you believe, and smarter than you think. And I'm definitely living that as well. It's just you know when, when you start to heal and you start to love yourself and see your worth and see your value, and believe that you can achieve anything. It's just, yeah, I'm living all of these right now, and I'm not saying that to boast or brag or anything like that, or be conceded in any way. I'm just saying I worked my ass off to heal, to get to where I am. I believe I'm at the very beginning of the most magical and amazing time in my life, and I can't wait to see what happens next, but doing this podcast and telling my story was all part of it. And the next quote from Brene Brown says, when we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending. And I love this one so much because I'm owning my story with this podcast to help others, and I'm getting to write the ending of my story. So it's insanely exciting. And here's another one I found. It says, again, I don't know the author, the difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do. So one of the things, whether it's through coaches or, you know, the kind of haphazard way that I healed. Whatever it is, it's as long as you do something to move yourself forward, one step at a time, one hour at a time, it's just what you do determines what's going to happen, exactly like this quote and then something that I've always said, and I it was my therapist who told me this years ago, but it was, it's, it's followed me throughout my life. The best way out is always through. And that's by Robert Frost, so true. I mean, you know, when people try to avoid things and they don't want to avoid they don't want to feel their feelings and they don't want to relive things because it's too painful. You know, somebody hurts you really deeply. It's like people try to run away and avoid their feelings. But really, the fastest, I always say the fastest way out is through. And I believe, you know, if you allow yourself to feel your feelings and to sit with it and cry if you have to, or scream or do whatever you have to do to get your feelings out and your emotions, it's the fastest way you move through it. And I've definitely seen that in my own life. Oh, one other thing, just to quote Renee Brown again, she said owning your story is the bravest thing you'll ever do, and I definitely feel that way. My ex husband is trying desperately to shut down this podcast, and so far, two out of three attempts have been stopped. But yes, it is a brave thing that I'm telling my story on a worldwide podcast, and I'm very proud of it, because I did not have help. I did not have anybody to lift me up and out of the hell that I was in. And now that I'm where I am now, I feel like I can be that life raft for other people. So why wouldn't I share my story? I know. Hard it is for people to open up and share the things that they've been through. It's it's not easy for a lot of people, and I just happen to be very passionate about doing this, and I believe that there are people worldwide who who need to hear what I have to say. So I'm not stopping I love this one. This one came from Toni Morrison. It says freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another. And again, that's where I am now i i Don't apologize, I don't make excuses, I don't diminish myself. I absolutely own where I am now and what it took for me to get here. And like I said, this is just the beginning. And another thing that that made a lot of sense to me also is, you know, when I think back to my marriage and how long it took me to gain the strength to actually divorce my ex husband. You know, I said from the beginning that I just I wasn't strong enough to leave him sooner. But this quote, I don't know who the author is, again, it says, the longer you entertain what's not for you, the longer you postpone what is. And I'm not a big fan of regrets. I think it's kind of like wasted energy, because there are lessons that we learned from every experience we've had, and it's kind of pointless to look back and regret things, because we we learn something from them. But I do understand that, you know, when you're in a situation that's not serving your highest good and it's not making you happy and it's actually doing the opposite. You know, I should have left earlier, but again, I wasn't strong enough to so, you know, yes, the longer I entertained what wasn't for me, the longer it took postponing what was but I also believe that, you know, things happen in divine timing, and I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time in my life, and things are happening exactly how they should. I don't believe that you're ever too old to make the right choices in your life, and, you know, change the trajectory of your path. And for me, I am unequivocally convinced that exactly where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be, and I believe that God is making a way for all of my dreams to come true. So, you know, that's kind of awesome to believe that, and I do wholeheartedly. So that's what I have to say about coaches and different different ways of healing. You know, like I've said before, people go the therapy route. They could go through self help books and things like that. I mean, there are all different ways. Some people are religious about it. Some people are spiritual about it. I personally took the spiritual route, and that worked for me. But, you know, I I'm more concerned that people actually take steps to heal in whatever way, shape or form that they pursue. But I'm very aware that it's a very scary thing, and it's painful, and it's not something that people just wake up and say, Hmm, I think I'm going to heal today. Most of the time it's thrust upon us based on tragedy or crisis or some other major happening in our life that we need help and we don't know where to go. So I hope this has been helpful. I hope that this maybe opened up some ideas. Maybe you're considering reaching out to somebody for help or advice or anything like that. I invite you to reach out to my website and either leave a message or a voice mail and just ask questions, share a story, anything like that. I promise to keep you anonymous. My website is podpage.com/the, music of life. Thanks for listening. Catch you in the next episode you music. Please join me every Thursday for our new episode. If you'd like to reach out to me and ask questions or share stories of your own, your own experiences through any of these things, I would love to hear from you. Please also subscribe. You.