Navigating Anxiety and Fear

In this episode, I’m diving deep into the powerful topic of anxiety and fear—two emotions that so many of us grapple with on a daily basis. I talk about the difference between anxiety (our stress about what’s to come) and fear (our reaction to what’s right in front of us), and how each one can affect us in unique ways—from public speaking jitters to deeper emotional wounds we might not even know we're carrying.

I also open up about some of the healing techniques that have helped me on my journey, including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), shifting from asking “why” to “what” questions, and learning to assess the impact of the people we keep around us. Whether you're working through phobias, managing stress, or just trying to better understand your own emotional triggers, I hope this episode brings you insight, comfort, and a new perspective.

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] - Introducing the episode and defining the difference between anxiety and fear.
[2:00] - Exploring the anxiety around public speaking and how self-acceptance plays a role.
[3:50] - The trap of asking "why" questions and the healing power of "what" questions.
[5:20] - Using cause and effect to detach from emotion and gain clarity.
[6:22] - How toxic vs. supportive people affect your emotional and mental health.
[7:48] - EMDR therapy explained: how it works and why it’s effective.
[9:55] - Personal stories of facing phobias and fears.
[11:30] - Reflections on personal growth, emotional processing, and spiritual healing.
[12:45] - Encouragement for those on a healing journey and how to stay connected with the show.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. You I wanted to talk today about anxiety and fear. I know so many people today are struggling with anxiety, and I've been thinking about that lately, so I thought I would just share it here. Anxiety is pretty much stressing over a future event that hasn't happened yet, like getting sick or starting a new job or falling in love taking a test, or even public speaking, which I know is high up on the list of things that people get anxious about, versus fear, which is an immediate threat in the present, like fear of needles or spiders or heights or fear of rejection. A lot of people have a fear of failure or success, and I'll say public speaking here too, because I think that it really does fit both categories. When somebody is getting ready to get up on stage somewhere, the fear can overcome them, but gearing up for such an event, they can have anxiety leading up to they they're speaking, but leading up to it, they can have severe anxiety leading up to public speaking. And I think it's because people, you know, it brings up fears of being publicly judged or criticized. And I'll just say that, you know, as much as I keep promoting how, you know, people should really be focusing on themselves within doing their inner work and all of that. Again, I'm not telling people what to do, but I'm just saying in order to heal your inner wounds and battles and have a healthier mental, emotional, spiritual life, it's really helpful heal your inner wounds. But anyway, when you've done your inner healing and you know who you are, and you love who you are, and you accept who you are, that fear of being publicly judged and criticized really does kind of wane. I know for myself, I can't say that I'm not nervous when I get up on stage and speak, but I don't have anxiety about it, and whatever fear I may have I do it anyway, and then I proved to myself that there was no reason to be afraid. So one of the things that I learned in therapy over the years, which I found to be super helpful in healing, is I would constantly come up with all of these questions that started with the word, why. Why did this happen? Why did she do that? Why did he do that? Why was I treated this way and 1000s more? But the bottom line is that asking why questions will only continue a loop and a cycle of endless why questions. So you never really get answers and you never really get closure, because you're just constantly asking more why questions. What I learned was that asking what questions, which is a concrete account of events, is way more helpful. So it's more like what happened? What did she say? What did he do? What happened? There things like that. It's a much easier way to answer a question without going round and round in circles, which leads me to cause and effect. And one way to heal wounds is to take emotions out of a situation, and just look at it from what the cause was and what the effect was. So I'll take the example of my dog got out of the house as the cause, and the effect was I couldn't find her for hours. So you can see how you take your emotions out of the situation. I don't talk about how I felt about the fact that I couldn't find her for hours, and I don't talk about what happened leading up to her getting out of the house. So it's very kind of matter of fact, unemotional, and you're just stating what happened. And then I wanted to talk about, you know, what and who you keep in your life, positively or negatively. If we're going to talk negatively, then it prevents you from attracting healthier people or situations from coming into your life. But, you know, Captain Obvious here. The consequences of keeping toxic people in your life include they have a negative impact on your mental health and well being. They can hinder your personal growth and development. They can sabotage your efforts, and they can prevent you from forming healthy boundaries. Some of the positive effects include supportive people can encourage your growth and boost your confidence. They can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals. They can help you build strong relationships and a sense of belonging. And let me just say here that if you're going to have positive people in your life, just make sure that they reciprocate back to you. If you have a cup that's overflowing with love and care and giving and help and support and all of that, what happens if you over give that to everyone else in your life, unless they're going to reciprocate it back to you and fill your cup back, you're going to end up depleted. And who wants to walk around depleted all the time? One of the other things that I learned in therapy, which came up recently on a comment on Facebook, was the use of EMDR, which stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. And the way that I did it with my therapist, it's like a horizontal bar of flashing lights, and it goes back and forth from left to right. Sort of fast, not too fast, but it gets your eyes shifting as you follow the lights. And the whole purpose of it is first, to recall a traumatic event in your life while you're engaging in this bilateral stimulation of your eyes, going back and forth, following the lights as you're thinking about this traumatic event. Sometimes it involves tapping on various points on your body, and it helps you to process and reduce the emotional distress associated with that memory. And I've done a lot of EMDR over the years, and I will just tell you personally, it totally works. You know, you start out, maybe the therapist will say, you know, how big of an issue on a scale from one to 10, is this issue for you? And the reason for using EMDR in these situations is because it's usually very high, so it's like a 10, and then, as you think of the event, and then you, you know, follow the lights with your eyes, or you tap, or anything like that. Usually, by the time that cycle is finished, your numbers way lower than a 10. Maybe it's a five when you do it the first time, and then you may repeat it again until you get down to like a two. But it it really does help, and it really does kind of reprogram your mental codes, or your mental state of how you process those traumatic events in the beginning, when they first happened, I found it to be extremely helpful. But while I'm talking about anxiety and fear, it's a very helpful way to believe some of that EMDR is is used primarily with people who have PTSD. It's very helpful with anxiety, panic disorders, phobias, anything where stress plays a big role. But the beauty of it is that it helps the brain reprocess and integrate the information in a way that reduces emotional stress. I don't have a lot of experience personally with anxiety, but I definitely grew up having a lot of fears, and I've spoken about this in another episode, but snakes were always a big fear for me. I will say I had a huge snake phobia for my entire life. I don't like them, I don't like looking at them, I don't like being around them, all of that. But I overcame a major fear last summer when I was at the beach and I was terrified that there was going to be a snake where I was walking. And I was very blessed that that the path was clear. So I don't really know what other fears I have. I don't like flying. I've come a long way about overcoming that fear, but haven't really tested many others. So I don't really know. Maybe I have a fear of heights when it comes to like jumping off a cliff, like a bungee jump kind of thing. I'm fine in elevators. You know, I'm fine with spiders. There are lots of things that I've overcome, but, you know, there's still some residual stuff. I. Could always work on I'm going to say what worked the best for me was a lot of different types of healing work. So whether it was psychotherapy, whether it was spiritual work, whether it was focusing on God, I will say that my mind never rests when it comes to healing. I'm always thinking, I'm always processing, I'm always identifying, I'm always asking more questions to myself, to my higher self. I used to be an overthinker when it comes to like analyzing things, and I would just overthink, what do they call it? Analysis paralysis? I would say that most of my life I was like that, but in the last year, no more than that, I'm gonna say the last almost three years, I've gotten much better and more efficient at processing the things that I work on, because it's it's not a mental thing, it's an emotional thing, it's a psychological thing, and it's a spiritual thing. For me, and I would say, in the last year especially, I've gotten exceptionally good and very clear on my issues and the things that I've wanted to heal. I've transformed so much in the last year. I mean, who I was a year ago versus now is like night and day, and I'm so proud of all the work that I've done, but I'm, you know, here to share, just to help and inspire anybody who is struggling or needs help, or, you know, is seeking another perspective on things anyway. Thanks so much for listening, and I'll see in the next episode. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach my website@podpage.com slash the music of life. Feel free to leave your email address. You can also leave a voicemail and share any kinds of stories or experiences or anything that you'd like to talk about. I promise I will keep you anonymous, but I assure you that whatever experiences or stories you leave for me, you are not alone, and I would love to share that with other people who are also going through similar things. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the Next episode. You