Sharing My Story & Purpose Through Faith

Hey everyone—it's Caryn, and this episode comes straight from the heart. Right after a deep, emotional meditation that moved me to tears, I felt called to hit record and share what came through. I’ve talked about my divorce before, but today I’m reflecting on the transformation it sparked in me. This isn’t about the pain—it's about the healing, the grit, the relentless faith that carried me through. I see now how far I’ve come, and I felt compelled to speak directly to those of you who are still in it, still battling, still hurting.

If you've faced a brutal, soul-shaking divorce, or if you're clawing your way through an ongoing storm, I recorded this for you. I talk about what faith looks like when you're not sure you’ll make it out, about surrendering control and letting God guide the way. And most importantly, I talk about what it means to truly rise. My story isn’t over, but today’s episode is one of those turning points that I know I’ll look back on as a milestone in my healing and purpose.

Episode Highlights:

[0:24] - Deeply emotional meditation prompts a wave of reflection on growth after divorce
[1:10] - Recognizing divine guidance through the pain: “God could have pulled me out, but he didn’t for a reason”
[3:05] - Faith defined: Stepping off the cliff and trusting you’ll either land or be taught to fly
[4:00] - Acknowledging the brutal journey and the people who are still in that kind of pain
[5:41] - Becoming a lighthouse: Using my story to guide others, no matter where they are spiritually
[6:45] - Letting go of ego, surrendering to divine timing, and finally getting out of my own way
[8:32] - Why I had to share this moment—and how I hope it helps someone else rise too
[10:00] - An invitation to reach out if you need support, guidance, or just someone who gets it

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. You Hi everyone. I just had to come on here and just share. I was just in deep meditation, and it literally brought me to tears, and I wanted to get this out while it was still fresh in my mind. So I know I've spent so many episodes talking about my divorce and the pain and the suffering and everything that I went through and endured, and I was guided in this meditation by God to to look back and reflect on the growth and how far I've come and who I am now versus who I was even six months ago. I'm such a different person than I was then. And he wanted me to acknowledge for myself the growth, how far I've come, how deep I worked, how intense it was and how I never lost my faith. I mean, I can't even describe how strong it is. Everything that I've gone through is because of him, and the fact is, is that he could have pulled me out. He could have saved me from all the pain that I had to go through. He could have done all of that. And just like a parent who allows a child to go through a hard time hardship, some kind of pain or lesson or whatever, he doesn't save the day for the child so that the child doesn't have to go through it, but he's there for the child. So when the child comes out of it, he knows that he was guided the whole time by a parent, and that's what it felt like for me. I just I'm very aware that how I survived my divorce and how I came out of the hell that I was in was not my doing. I had God by my side the whole way, guiding me, showing me the way. And even though I couldn't see the way in front of me, it was like I just closed my eyes and believed that I would make it out somehow. And then at the end, God was there to take my hand and lead me out and guide me to heal you. I've said this in other episodes, that the definition of faith is a quote actually by Hillary Rodham Clinton, of all people, but it says faith is like stepping off a cliff and expecting one of two outcomes. You will either land on solid ground or you will be taught to fly. Well, I didn't have wings, but I did trust that I would land on solid ground, and I did so the fact of looking back six months, eight months a year, two years, three years, however, long it took for me to get to this point, I'm so grateful for all of it. I don't believe that you can really soar to incredible heights until you've learned and been through the depths of of hell to experience that, to know what it feels like to claw yourself out and soar, and that's where I am now. I'm at the precipice of soaring. I feel it in my bones, and I just I know that this is my destiny. Some people may call it karmic justice, a reward for having gone through such pain and coming out and surviving and just forging forward no matter what. And I just owe it all to God and anybody who's been through an amicable divorce and can effectively co parent with their ex and be on the same team and raise your kids. Those are not the people I'm talking to. Those are not the people that I'm crying about. I'm talking about the people who went through it suffered more pain than they ever. Ever imagined, people who cannot get along with their ex, who cannot co parent, who have battled over and over again, fighting for their kids and losing those are the people I'm trying to reach. Those are the people that I'm talking to right now who are going through it, or who have been through it? I feel you. I've been there. I want to be that lighthouse for you, to guide you, to lead you, to help you, like God did for me, I feel like my purpose here is to guide you. I don't know if you have a relationship with God or not, to those people that do, I'm so happy for you. I'm so I'm so proud of you. I know you understand how I feel. But for those of you who don't have a relationship with God, I encourage it so deeply. Some people look to God religiously. Some look to God spiritually. I don't think he judges you either way. I think that he just wants you to find Him in your heart, somewhere I don't know as I continue sharing my journey with you, I hope to be able to share all the amazing things that God has done for me and let it be known, nothing came easily to me, not one thing through most of my life. Everything was a struggle for me. I thought that I knew better. I thought I knew what I needed or what I wanted or what was good for me, or what was going to propel me or or help me succeed. And I never occurred to me that God knew better, but he does. Once I reach the level of success I'm headed for, I will be able to share the story of how I got there, and I'm almost at that point, I would say it's, it's been a journey of about six months at this point, and it's right around the corner for me. And I say this with the utmost of humility, because I know that this is all God's doing. There's no question in my mind about it. And when I put the puzzle pieces together and tell you the story of it, it will be very obvious to you that this was God's doing. I've learned how to get out of my own way, which was a big, big deal and a big hurdle for me. For most of my life, I always got in my own way, and since my faith has gotten so strong and I've relied on God for so much for the last few years, I really learned how to get out of my way and let God take the wheel, and it has served me so incredibly well. Wow. This was really intense. I I think I only cried on one other episode, but this was a doozy, and it was so important to share this with you, and I really felt this so deeply that, you know, if I'm not going to be real and share the things that make me cry and the things that move me, then what's the point of doing this? The whole purpose of doing this podcast is to share my story, and this is part of it. It's not just about talking about the pain of my divorce, but what's come from it and and this is all part of my story. So if there's anything that I can do to help you move forward in your divorce and somehow rise above from where you're at, I really, really implore you to please reach out to me. I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I can certainly guide you and help you with resources and give you support in whatever way I can. I, you know, I keep saying I wish I had a me while I was going through it and I dug myself out with God by my side, and that was it. I had no one else to do that for me or with me. So if I can be that person for somebody else, it would be my biggest honor and privilege. Anyway. Thank you for listening and. I'll catch you in the next one. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach my website@podpage.com slash the music of life. Feel free to leave your email address. You can also leave a voicemail and share any kinds of stories or experiences or anything that you'd like to talk about, I promise I will keep you anonymous, but I assure you that whatever experiences or stories you leave for me, you are not alone, and I would love to share that with other people who are also going through similar things. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the next episode. You