Empathy & Emotional Connection Through Billy Joel's Music

In this episode, I take a deep, emotional dive into the new Billy Joel documentary, And So It Goes, streaming now on HBO Max. If you're a fan of Billy Joel or just someone who's ever felt abandoned, betrayed, or inspired by someone's resilience, this one will hit home. I share my raw reflections on Billy's life, his musical evolution, and how so much of his story mirrors parts of my own emotional journey. His ability to move through pain and still create such beautiful, heartfelt music is a reminder of the power of art and healing.

I talk about the themes of abandonment and betrayal that shaped his life, his incredible shift from pop legend to classical composer, and the unshakable humility that defines him. And yes, I cried. A lot. But not from sadness—from connection. From that deep, empathic place where you just feel someone's journey so profoundly that it cracks your heart open. This episode is full of heart, music, memory, and more than a few personal confessions.

Episode Highlights:

 [0:23] - Introducing the Billy Joel documentary And So It Goes and my lifelong love for his music

[1:10] - Exploring Billy Joel's childhood abandonment issues and how they resonate with my own healing journey

[2:36] - The importance of growth and evolution in his career and how that theme reflects where I am in my life now

[3:45] - Betrayal by his ex-brother-in-law and how financial and emotional betrayal cuts deep

[5:41] - The songs he wrote for his daughter and how they struck a chord in me as a mom

[6:50] - His classical training and my own story of becoming a classically trained pianist as a child

[8:55] - Billy's transition into composing classical music and why he chose not to write lyrics

[10:30] - The emotional power of music without words and the depth of his album Fantasies and Delusions

[11:45] - Reflecting on his humility, enduring legacy, and my own emotional reactions

[13:10] - Embracing empathy and sensitivity as strengths, not weaknesses

Links & Resources:

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Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. You So this episode is going to be a little bit different from what I've been talking about the last several episodes. I was watching the Billy Joel documentary tonight entitled and so it goes, which is one of my favorite songs by him. And there were so many parts of this. It was a two episode documentary that I was peeled to. I just, I love him so much. I've loved his music since, you know, since the 70s, I'm still a major fan. I still listen to his music regularly, and I just adore him, and I just resonated so much with so many different parts of his career and his life, and the struggles and tribulations that he had in his life, I guess starting out before he made it in his career. You know, he he struggled with abandonment issues from his dad leaving he his dad and his mother eventually got divorced, and I think Billy was like eight years old when his father picked up and moved back to Europe, where he was originally from. We all know what abandonment wounds feels like, and that's something that really kind of stays with us, I think, for the rest of our lives, unless we can somehow heal from them. I mean, I've done a lot of healing work, as you know, but I don't know if that's something that ever is fully healed. I think I'm in a good place with it now. But, you know, watching his story and listening to his feelings about it, and his perceptions of things, and what he internalized as a result, you know, it kicks up my own stuff. So, of course, and then once he made it, and he was discovering who he was as a as an artist, and once he got signed to major record companies, and he really had to kind of figure out what his music was going to be as a pop artist, I was also resonating to the part where He talked about how important it was to grow and evolve and change and not stay complacent in your life. And you know, this is a major theme for me right now in my life. So you know, I really connected to that, and I understand what that must have felt like for him at that time when he was starting to get traction in his career and starting to take off, and what he really was trying to make of himself. And I just, I love hearing his story, and I was really touched and moved by it. Yes, I did cry throughout the entire documentary, but okay, we know I cry, haha. What I've learned about my crying is that, you know, I used to cry. I used to be very sensitive, and I would cry over hurt feelings or being upset about something, or, you know, my my crying was for a purpose, but that purpose has changed exponentially for me, and so now when I cry, it's it's the empath in me that comes out and I cry now mostly because something moves me, or I resonate with somebody's feelings, or I feel what they feel. So after he and his first wife Elizabeth got divorced, and she was his manager for all that time before they got divorced, but then he decided he wanted a different manager, and he chose her brother to be his manager. And for anyone who doesn't know the story, his ex brother in law, ended up ripping him off. And so all these bazillions of dollars that he made over the course of his career, it turned out that the ex brother in law spent it all so basically, in essence, Billy Joel had to start over from scratch and make all that money back. So on top of having abandonment wounds, now he's got betrayal wounds on top of it, which cuts deep, especially when you trust somebody. So that kind of you know, I've had that hit me too, because I've also felt betrayed, not just by my ex husband, but ex friend. And people in my life who have hurt me deeply and betrayed me and all of that. So I certainly understand how that felt and and resonated with that. But after Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley got married and had their daughter, Alexa, you know, I always loved the songs that he wrote for his daughter mainly lullaby. And I think lullaby was the only one, or there might might have been another one I forget right now. But listening to him sing those songs, I mean, it just like got right to my heart. It was just hearing his deep love for his daughter was just an arrow to my heart. It just reminded me of the deep love I have for my daughter. And of course, it sent me crying. But, you know, in a good way, I guess, and to hear about his marriages and his failures and divorces, and now he's on his fourth wife, and he's got two small girls with her. I was also very intrigued by the time in his life when he became a composer. And even though, you know, he was classically trained on the piano since he was four. I mean, like, seriously, seriously trained. I was also a classically trained pianist, as I think I started at eight and by 10 years old, I was taking lessons and really progressing very quickly. I I had a very, a very sharp ear. I guess you could say that I was able to pick up on piano by ear. And I guess, I think I was eight, eight or nine years old, when I watched my stepmother sit down and play the piano. And she would get up and I would sit down and play the same exact thing she did without ever knowing how to read sheet music at that point. It was kind of cool and kind of crazy at the same time, but it was very apparent that I had talent at that point. And so by the time I was 10, I started with piano lessons, and I was selected for different recitals and different concerts, and my piano teacher took me as far as she could take me, and then, you know, I sort of graduated, and she wanted to send me on to the next level with another teacher, but I really I didn't want to go. I loved her so much, and I just didn't want to go. But instead, she asked me if I would teach younger children, you know, basic things like basic scales and things like that. So she had multiple pianos in her home. So her her studio where I would go to have my lessons, there was another piano in a different room that, you know, the kids would go into to to take their lessons. So I did that for a little bit, and then I quit piano at that point. But to hear him want to step away from pop music and go the classical route and compose classical music. I mean, I was, I love that, but the thing that was so interesting to me was that he couldn't perform his own music. He would write and compose original classical music, but he couldn't perform it himself. And he summoned, I forget his name. I think it's a Korean name. I forget who he is, but he had this guy perform his original classical music. And I actually want to download the the album. I think there are 10 pieces on this album. But what I thought was so poignant was when he was saying that he didn't want to write lyrics to these pieces because he wanted the music to speak for itself, like to speak the words that he didn't want to put to it, which I thought was so powerful. And so I was listening to parts of this and getting emotional about it, because, again, it just kind of hit me right in my heart, and I love that, that that's how he wanted his songs represented, just by the music itself, and to know that the title of that album was called fantasies and delusions, and How those words represented all the songs on that album equally. So I really appreciated his transition to classical music and stepping away from pop music for a while. And then to you know, I know that he's had this long standing residence. Been at Madison Square Garden for the last several years, and it's just so amazing. And I love how his songs just stand the test of time over all these years. And I just, I love following his career, following his life, following his journey. I love all of his humility. You know, in every interview and every anything that he talks about his his life and his career, it always comes back to, I'm just a guy from Long Island and, you know, just the humility and all of that. I just really love that part about him, and I hope I always stay humble too and grateful. And then, of course, by the end of the documentary, when he just sat by the piano and started singing, and so it goes, that got me again, too. You know, it's so funny, because I remember, years ago, I was at somebody's funeral. It was my sister's ex husband's grandmother's funeral. And I didn't know her well. I met her a couple of times, but I was listening to the family, you know, speak about her so lovingly and all of that. And I started crying, because, you know, I'm moved by these things. I am very empathetic. And I, you know, I feel things deeply. And my sister turned around and saw that I was crying, and she said, Boy, they should rent you out at funerals. So, you know, we kind of had a giggle about it. But the truth is, is that it doesn't matter whether I know people or not, if I know people well or not, I relate to other human beings and I feel what they feel. I I feel their energy. I, you know, I'm sensitive to all of that. So I've come to accept that this is a part of me that I I love, I honor, I'm proud, that I feel things that other people feel also, and I feel that that connects us somehow. I used to think it was a weakness in myself, but I don't think that anymore. I think it's a strength because we're so disconnected as people, and I feel that, you know, feeling somebody's energy or feeling someone's feelings connects us. And I like that about myself, because I like feeling connected to people anyway. If you haven't watched this Billy Joel special, I really, really implore you to watch it. It's It's amazing on so many different levels. It's on HBO Max, and it's two episodes of, I want to say two hours each, something like that. Anyway, that's about it for tonight. I'll catch you next time. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach my website at pod page.com/the, music of life, feel free to leave your email address. You can also leave a voicemail and share any kinds of stories or experiences or anything that you'd like to talk about. I promise I will keep you anonymous, but I assure you that whatever experiences or stories you leave for me, you are not alone, and I would love to share that with other people who are also going through similar things. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the next episode. You.