From Smear Campaign to Self-Healing: Standing in My Freedom

In this week’s episode, I’m opening up about something I touched on earlier today over on TikTok—why it is okay to talk about the realities of a toxic divorce, and why sharing our experiences doesn’t automatically mean we’re “bashing” anyone. I’m diving deeper into what it means to tell the truth, stand in your emotional maturity, and use your story as a beacon for others who feel like they’re barely surviving the storm.

I also explore what healing has actually looked like for me—how far I’ve come, the resilience I didn’t even know I had, and the profound peace I’ve found in my new life. If you’re navigating isolation, confusion, or the aftershocks of someone else’s destructive behavior, this episode will help you feel understood, validated, and far less alone.

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] – Welcoming everyone and setting the intention for open conversation.
 [0:22] – Expanding on today’s TikTok about sharing the truth of a toxic divorce.
 [1:05] – Why telling my story matters and how it supports and inspires others.
 [2:45] – The court attempt to shut down the podcast—and what the ruling affirmed.
 [3:18] – Speaking truthfully vs. “bashing” and why emotional intelligence matters.
 [4:20] – The scale of the smear campaign and the isolation it created.
 [5:20] – Reflecting on the painful dynamics from the marriage and divorce.
 [6:41] – The sleep-schedule differences and the inconsiderate behaviors that escalated.
 [7:30] – Reclaiming peace, joy, and freedom in my new home and new chapter.
 [8:15] – Why sharing my story establishes trust for those seeking mentorship.
 [9:05] – My commitment to helping others rise from their own ashes.
 [9:50] – How to connect with me and where to find my social media platforms.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. Hi, Marc, hi everyone. So I wanted to say for this week's episode I did a Tiktok earlier today that I kind of wanted to expand on. And it was really about, you know, it being okay to talk about things from a toxic divorce. And you know, there's a fine line between bashing your ex and actually sharing stories to help others, which is what my intention has always been. From day one, I've been very clear on this podcast and very clear on all the Tiktok reels and Instagram reels that I've been doing that, my whole intention here of doing this podcast and doing social media is to help others and inspire others who were going through something similar to what I went through, which I wouldn't wish on anyone. So the fact that I was able to heal, that I was able to put myself back together and grow and evolve and thrive, is just mind blowing to me, because it was such such an intense experience that I truly don't believe that any you know, normal person or regular person would have been able to survive. The level of healing that I've done is just off the charts. And I'm I'm not saying that to pat myself on the back, although I will take all the recognition for myself for all that I went through and all that I healed from. But just to say that, you know, it's not an easy journey to heal, but it is so necessary if anybody is looking to put themselves back together after an experience like a toxic divorce, like this, holy shit anyway. So my ex took me to court because he was trying to get this podcast shut down and was unsuccessful because court was very clear that it's freedom of speech and they have no control, no power and no jurisdiction to shut it down. So I'll take that as a win. But the whole thing is, is that I have to tell my story to let my audience know that I've been where they are or where they are, you know, where they've been after they got out of their divorce, but I can't just, you know, gloss over all the pain that I went through. I mean, you have to tell the story. You have to tell the truth and and that's I live from my truth. I am who I say I am. I mean, what I say. And I say what I mean. I mean anybody who knows me, and I will even include my ex friends in there who knew me know that I'm a truthful person. So anyway, the whole point of speaking about my ex is not to throw him under the bus. I don't wish bad on him. I don't hate him. I don't, you know whatever, I understand him more than he ever will understand himself, and that's fine. And it's, it's, again, not saying that to boast. It's just I am extremely emotionally intelligent, emotionally mature. I'm very psychologically aware and in tune and healed and all of that. So I just I know things that he'll never care about or inquire about or anything like that, which is fine. So anyway, my point is, am I talking badly about him, or was he just that he did bad things? And I'm, I'm just talking about it. I mean, that's really, let's be honest, that's really what happened. So it was massive, what I went through. And, you know, anything from this, the crazy smear campaign that that he launched, to our friends, to our community, to his family, to our daughter. It was massive. It was far reaching, and it left me extremely isolated and ostracized and shunned. And nobody should have to feel like that, that they're so disconnected from humanity in in the world that they live in. You know, the intent behind everything that my ex did was just very evil. It just was he wanted me homeless and on the street. Des. Attitude the mother of his child, that's what he wished for me, and said to me repeatedly, when I'm done with you, you're going to be living in a cardboard box. And he said it a lot in front of our daughter. So the things that I remember from our marriage, that I mentioned on a real earlier was that, you know, he and I had such opposite sleep schedules. So he would go to bed at like, 8:30pm he'd wake up at four. He'd be out of the house at five to go to work. He'd be home again at like, three, four in the afternoon or something, and I would make dinner, and we would, you know, chat for what, 1520, minutes before he was upstairs watching TV and getting ready for bed. So I was the complete opposite. I was a complete night owl. And to be honest, most of my life, I've always been a night owl. I've never been a morning person. I you know, thankfully, worked in the music industry that didn't start until 10am so that was my only break, having to not wake up so early. But anyway, so I got up when my daughter got up, and because I was a stay at home mom, I was I took care of her. I was there in the morning. I did, you know, everything that a mom does with a with a young child, got her to school, picked her up from school, did all the things I needed to do for the house and for our life and for myself and things like that. So anyway, getting back to the whole sleep schedule thing. The reason for bringing that up was that during the marriage, he was always very inconsiderate about closing doors and cabinets. He slammed everything. There was no consideration for the fact that I was sleeping. There was no consideration for the fact that I was sensitive to the loud noises of slam doors. He just didn't care. He just didn't care. And that was during the marriage. But during the divorce was a whole other thing, because that was on steroids. So he was very intentional about slamming doors and stomping around the house and not caring, just not caring, so things like that. You know, I'm in my new place. I have so much peace and calmness and freedom and joy and happiness, and I love my life now. I love my place. I mean, there's what's not to love. I'm free and I'm happy and I'm living my best life right now. So, I mean, what? I have nothing to complain about in my life whatsoever. Anyway. Getting back to throwing my ex under the bus, I don't believe that that's what I'm doing. I believe that I'm establishing credibility with my audience, and they need to hear that I've been through what they're going through, or what they went through, and especially because, you know, I'm I've developed a mentorship program that I would like to offer to anybody who wants to work with me, one on one, offering a program for that, and I would love to connect with anybody who is interested in that, or knows somebody who would be interested in that. But this is my point. Is like they need to hear that I've been here. I've been through the trenches. I've been through the fire. I rose from the ashes. I mean, I fought my way, tooth and nail to survive, and I did, and now I'm thriving. And look, somebody who isn't thriving isn't really in a position or qualified to help other people get themselves out of something that's so horrible, but I've mastered so much through my healing, and I have so much that I'm qualified to help people through. So I'm going full, full force guns blazing, because I wish I had somebody like me when I was going through it, and so I want to be that lighthouse to other people who are having trouble navigating the storm. It's more like a tsunami. But hey, I would love to hear your feedback, so I'm gonna wrap it up for now, but thank you for joining me. Maybe next week, I'll have a glass of wine while I'm recording and chatting with you, and I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach me at my website, which is pod page.com/the, music of. Life, and you can find all of my social media platforms on my website. So that would be Instagram, Tiktok and Facebook. Thanks again for listening. I'll catch you next time you.