The Hidden Power of Speaking Your Truth

In this episode, I’m sharing a deeply personal breakthrough from my healing journey—one that completely shifted the way I see myself, my relationships, and the stories I’ve carried since childhood. After taking a short break from the podcast, I felt called to come back and talk about an experience that helped me uncover another layer of healing and freedom.

We’ll explore how childhood experiences can shape our patterns as adults, the impact of emotional availability (or the lack of it), and what happens when we finally find the courage to speak our truth. If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, over-giving, seeking approval, or feeling responsible for other people’s reactions, this conversation may resonate with you in a powerful way.

Episode Highlights

[0:00] - Why I took a short break and what inspired this episode

[1:00] - My healing journey, cycles of growth, and learning when to step back into life

[1:40] - Growing up after my parents’ divorce and navigating emotional challenges as a child

[3:20] - How emotional unavailability shaped my need for approval and validation

[4:06] - Becoming an over-giver and people pleaser in search of connection

[5:00] - Introducing Becoming Whole Again, my divorce mentorship program

[6:16] - Returning to the story: a recent opportunity to speak my truth

[6:50] - The two sentences that changed the direction of a lifelong relationship

[7:26] - Why vulnerability can be more powerful than performance

[8:29] - Detaching from outcomes and letting go of people-pleasing patterns

[9:35] - Discovering empowerment through honesty, integrity, and self-respect

[10:03] - Breaking free from childhood roles and finally feeling emotionally free

[10:46] - Final reflections on healing, growth, and sharing difficult truths

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode. Check me out on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caryn-levitt-8a09263a6/

Transcript

0:05

host, Karen Portnoy. Before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. Hi everyone. Sorry, I've been kind of MIA the last couple of weeks. I needed a little break, and I've been going through some stuff, and back, and I wanted to share something that came up for me recently that I was able to work through and have an epiphany over, and I thought you guys might be interested in hearing it, so obviously I keep talking about my healing journey and all that, and you know there's never a shortage of layers to pull back and things to look at and expose and face and deal with and stuff like that, and I swear, as long as we're alive, we can always find more stuff to heal, and at some point you kind of have to dig in your heels and say, okay, I've done enough healing, and it's time to live my life, and I go through cycles where I, you know, kind of go in hermit mode, and facing stuff, and dealing with stuff, and working on healing even more, and then I come out of it, and then I kind of face the world again, so you know everybody's got their, their way of doing things, and their timelines, and all of that. So this is what works for me anyway. So just a little bit of background, my parents got divorced when I was three and a half, and neither of my parents were emotionally available to me for most of my childhood, and going through a divorce at that age, you know, clearly I was so young, didn't really have language for whatever was going on, I mean, at an adult level, for sure. I lived with my mother and my sister until I was 10, and then my sister and I moved in with my father and stepmother. So, there was a lot going on in my childhood at that time, and so the fact that I was so young, I was very intense, I was very sensitive, I was very emotional. I think that's just who I was, and the fact that this divorce came upon me, and you know, now I'm like separated from parents, you know, living with my mom, but seeing my dad very infrequently, it was hard, even as a young child, it was hard for me to adapt to the fact that I didn't have my parents together, to which I will always say, and I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's no good age for your parents to get divorced, and I know people you know teenage years are hard without a divorce, so on top of it, it's even harder, but there are people whose parents got divorced while they were in college, and let me tell you, it's no easier, so anyway, because of the fact that my parents were not emotionally available to me, and my dad was not very demonstrative when it came to affection and attention, and just, you know, connection. It was, it was difficult when I was young. He was a bachelor at that point, and he was, you know, dating and trying to find a partner, and by the time he met my stepmother, you know, then it was, it was all about them as a couple, and all that stuff, but the truth is, is that I learned how to become an over giver and a people pleaser, because that was the only way that I could get my dad to acknowledge me. It was just I had to perform for him, I had to, you know, accomplish things and do things that made him pay attention, and so I never really felt like I knew that there was unconditional love underneath it all, but I questioned it throughout my life, because how could it be unconditional when I'm working so hard to get his attention and his approval and all that stuff. So I learned that I had to perform, I had to people please, and you know, anticipate the things that he liked, and the things that would make him pay attention to me, and it's not really a fun thing to do. Let me just tell you, I mean, over all of my life, it just took me further and further away from who I truly was on the inside, I. I just want to take a minute and tell you about the divorce mentorship program that I created. It's called Becoming Whole Again, and I created it mostly for women who were either considering divorcing their toxic spouse, or they're in the middle of a toxic divorce, or they're on the other side of a toxic divorce at any stage that you're dealing with the emotional fallout from a horrific toxic divorce, you know what I mean, the text, the triggers, the berating, the harassment, the threats, all those things. I've been there and I know what you're going through. This isn't therapy, I promise. This is real hands-on support from somebody who has been where you are. I survived it, I thrived from it, and I've actually transformed from it. And along the way, I've gained so much wisdom from a spiritual healing journey that I am so happy to share with you and help you. It's not about fixing you, it's not about telling you what to do, it's about guiding you and guiding you back to yourself. There are so many people out there who need this. I promise you, I hear from them daily. Thank you for your support, and thank you for listening. Okay, now back to the show, you So after you know, cut to all this healing work I've done, so I actually had an opportunity recently to speak my truth to him, and in two sentences, two very powerful sentences, didn't have to be a whole long conversation, didn't have to be all drawn out and dramatic, and all of that. Two freaking sentences shifted everything. I basically verbally hit him between the eyes and told him how I really felt about, you know, our relationship, and how difficult it is that you know I have to perform to get his love and attention, and he was blown away when I said this. I mean, knocked him off his seat, and I felt better. I know that he was hurt by what, what I had said, I did not apologize for it, because it was my truth. I didn't regret it, because it needed to be said, and it actually changed the direction of our relationship. I didn't anticipate that at all, but he is much softer with me now. He's more affectionate with me now, he's more attentive to me now, and the irony of this whole thing, and this entire lesson

comes down to this: 7:49

when you speak your truth, when you are vulnerable, when you are real and authentic, and you say what's there for you, the outcome of whatever lands for that other person suddenly no longer matters, because your attachment is gone. It's like once you speak your truth, it's like however it lands for the other person is on them, but because I was able to speak my truth after a lifetime of people pleasing and over giving, by the way, I consider myself a recovered people pleaser and over giver, but I was able to detach from the outcome of whatever I said to him, and you know, so as soon as, as soon as it was out there in the ethers, you know, and he took it in, and whatever, I had no more attachment to how I needed to show up for him. It was now, this is how I am, this is who I am, take me or leave me, but I no longer felt in a weak and needy and codependent place. I felt empowered. I felt truthful, and it's also interesting that I learned honesty and integrity and character from him too. So the guy who taught me how to be that way is now the recipient of all of that that I learned. So it was very interesting, because I guess the reality that I'm no longer attached to the outcome of our relationship, and I'm no longer invested in doing things that make him love me more or love me better, or whatever. It's no longer a need for me. So I feel like a grown-up now. Finally, you know, it's when you're around your parents as an adult, sometimes you revert back to the behavior as a child, because that's you grew up with them, so you kind.. I don't know if it's them or you or both of you, but you know, somewhere along the way, your behavior kind of gets embedded in your relationship, and you kind of always revert back to that as you grow up, and I don't know, it's kind of intense, but I feel free, I finally feel free of the over giving, the people pleasing, the performance that you know, all that stuff. So

Caryn Portnoy: 10:46

You know, I know it's heavy, I know it's deep, I know it's intense, and maybe you guys are into that stuff, maybe you're not, but I thought it would be interesting to share anyway. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me, and I will check you guys next week. Okay, take care. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach me on my website, which is podpage.com/the Music of Life. You can leave me a voicemail, a text message. You can leave your contact information if you want to be anonymous. No problem, I promise to honor that. And you can also find all of my social media platforms there as well, which is Instagram, TikTok, just wanted to share that with all of you guys. Facebook, and LinkedIn. Thanks again. I'll see you next week.

Unknown: 11:37

Bye.