When Surveillance Becomes Control: A Divorce Story

Thank you for joining me for my 75th episode! In this week's conversation, I'm sharing a shocking real-life story from a woman navigating a toxic divorce and the disturbing lengths her ex allegedly went to monitor and control her. If you've ever questioned your privacy, felt manipulated, or wondered whether you're imagining the emotional games being played during divorce, this episode is for you.

We dive into the emotional impact of surveillance, why coercive control can leave you feeling paranoid, and how to protect your peace while staying focused on your own healing. If you're going through a high-conflict or toxic divorce, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone—and that the truth has a way of revealing itself in time.

Episode Highlights

[0:00] - Celebrating my 75th episode and introducing today's eye-opening topic.

[0:49] - A woman shares her experience of suspected surveillance during her toxic divorce.

[2:20] - What a professional sweep of the home uncovered—and why it changed everything.

[2:58] - Practical steps she took to protect her digital privacy, including separating Wi-Fi networks and changing phone carriers.

[3:45] - I introduce my Becoming Whole Again divorce mentorship program and who it's designed to help.

[5:10] - The emotional toll of being watched, manipulated, and made to question your own reality.

[6:20] - Why surveillance creates fear and paranoia—and how it can impact children caught in the middle.

[7:25] - My advice for surviving a toxic divorce: keep your side of the street clean, focus on healing, and trust that truth and karma will take care of the rest.

[8:24] - Where to connect with me and how to share your own story.

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message atpodpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode. Check me out on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caryn-levitt-8a09263a6/

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:00

Karen, hi everyone, and welcome to the Music of Life. I'm your host, Karen Portnoy. Before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. Hi everyone, welcome back. Glad to have you listening. Thank you. I just wanted to make mention that this is my 75th episode, so wow, thanks for sticking with me. I just wanted to mention one of the reels that I recently recorded on TikTok, I think it was, although it's rarely posted on Instagram and Facebook as well, but I mentioned that one of the women from one of the divorce groups that I'm in DM me, and we were talking about a surveillance situation that she's facing in her divorce, and so we were talking about all the ways that she was being surveilled. Primarily, she knew that there were cameras inside the house. She wasn't aware of where they were. She suspected that they were planted in the walls somehow. I mean, some of these cameras are so freaking small that, you know, they could easily be hidden behind an outlet, or I don't know, I mean, whatever. So she was telling me that, you know, she had to get a surveillance guy in to sweep the house, and all of that. And what happened was, you know, he was the one that kind of told on himself by saying that there were cameras all over the house, so she knew to call a surveillance person, which she got a referral, but she also knew that she wouldn't be able to get them in, you know, like the next day, so she had to wait a few days, and so it's pretty apparent to her that he suspected she'd get somebody in, and so he went around the house and took down everything, and then when the surveillance guy came to sweep the house, he said that the house was totally clean, except for when he got to her bedroom, which was adjacent to his bedroom, they shared a wall, so when it got to checking out her room, he said that, you know, the wall between them lit up like a Christmas tree, so I mean basically he said that whatever he took down is on the other side of your wall, so if you get into his room, you would see it all there, but he wasn't sure if it would be admissible in court. So she really had no case, but she did get the confirmation she needed that he was surveilling her. He was also tracking her car and her phone, and obviously over the internet in their house, so she ended up calling a computer guy to come in and separate their Wi-Fi network, so that the husband and the kids were on one network and she was on another, so they wouldn't be able to, you know, see anything that she was doing, and she wouldn't be able to see anything that they were doing, so it was as private as she was ever going to get. She ended up taking her cell phone off their family plan, and she switched carriers, so she would have her own privacy on a different carrier. Hey, I just want to take a minute and tell you about the divorce mentorship program that I created. It's called Becoming Whole Again, and I created it mostly for women who were either considering divorcing their toxic spouse or they're in the middle of a toxic divorce, or they're on the other side of a toxic divorce. At any stage that you're dealing with the emotional fallout from a horrific toxic divorce, you know what I mean. The texts, the triggers, the berating, the harassment, the threats, all those things. I've been there, and I know what you're going through. This isn't therapy, I promise. This is real hands-on support from somebody who has been where you are. I survived it, I thrived from it, and I've actually transformed from it. And along the way, I've gained so much wisdom from a spiritual healing journey that I am so happy to share with you, and help you. It's not about fixing you, it's not about telling you what to do, it's about guiding you and guiding you back to yourself. There are so many people out there who need this. I promise you, I hear from them daily. Thank you for your. Court, and thank you for listening. Okay, now back to the show, and it was just like a complete mind fuckery, is really what the whole thing was. I mean, he was driving her crazy with all this surveillance, and she wasn't doing anything wrong, but he kept planting the suspicion. I don't know if he was. I'm sure he was telling the kids some narrative about the mom and whatever he was trying to paint a picture for to the kids, but she was not doing anything wrong, and you know it's so interesting how people who are truthful and honest and transparent and all of that, they are the targets, not the people who lie and cheat and beat around the bush, and you know, do all kinds of things, you know, on the DL, but, but why is that? Why is that fair? And then she tried to argue it in court, and you know, like, there's there's no case, because they both own the house, and whatever goes on inside that house is, you know, it's fair game, it's 5050 you both own it, you both own everything that happens there, except you can't sell the house from under the other party, and I think he tried to do that early on, and it didn't work, but you know, every time she turned a corner, she was up against something else that he was doing against her, and you know, the surveillance thing, it's like it really does mess with you, because you think that you're being followed, you think you're being watched. I mean, it really does create a sense of paranoia, which is the complete intention. He wanted her to know that he was watching her and stalking her and all those things, and and the kids get to watch this, which is so messed up anyway, so I told her, just keep your side of the street clean, make sure you're not doing anything that could be used against you, and just stay in your lane, and truthfully, the truth comes out at some point down the road. You just don't know when, but they do get their karma, you know. And I said, "Just wait, you know, it's not up to you to judge, it's up to God to judge, and it's up to God to issue their karma. So don't sweat it, just do what you have to do to heal and move on with your life. So that was my advice to her, and you know it's, it's really a shame. The worst part is that the kids are now conditioned that their mom is doing all sorts of things that that she's not doing, but it'll take time before they wake up and see the truth for themselves, and that will be part of her ex-husband's karma. Nothing you could do about it anyway. I'm going to wrap it up for today, and I just want to thank you again for being here, for listening, for supporting me. And let's catch you next week. Take care. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach me on my website, which is podpage.com/the Music of Life. You can leave me a voicemail, a text message. You can leave your contact information if you want to be anonymous. No problem, I promise to honor that, and you can also find all of my social media platforms there as well, which is Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Thanks again. I'll see you next week.